Accidents shouldn't be
by Kaishi
Summary: What would you do if you couldn't remember your past and you were tossed into a castle of nobodies that hated you? What if you weren't sure if the only person you cared about could ever care back? Oneshot


**AN:** First off, I am in NO WAY in this story. This is not a self-insert fic. Also, even though it's an OC, she is not me in any sense of the word. In fact, I think you'll find her ambiguous enough to be anyone, but specific enough to work for the purpose of this fic. I don't believe her to be a Mary Sue, so read before you judge, okay?

**Disclaimer:** Kingdom Hearts and it's characters are © Disney and Square Enix. So, don't sue. I'm a poor college student who can barely afford tuition, and even after I graduate I'll be on teacher's salary.

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My eyes flew open and I gasped at the sharp pains that riveted through my body. It felt as if every single one of my cells were on fire, or as though I had been hit by a truck. I tried to curl up into the fetal position, but immediately stopped as the pain grew nearly unbearable. That probably had something to do with the half-sitting up position I was in from the dozens of pillows I felt underneath my head and back.

My mind raced, trying to remember anything. I tried to remember where I was what had happened, but I couldn't remember either. All I really knew was my own name, and I wasn't even too sure about that.

"Drink this." a soft voice, distinctively female interrupted my thoughts. I felt a cup be pressed to my lips, and I really didn't have much of a choice but to drink the liquid inside. Somehow struggling seemed like it would cause way too much pain.

The drink had a very bitter taste to it and it burned my throat on its way down. Yet, it seemed to help. I felt the pain begin to lift off of my body almost immediately. My sight came into focus and I began to search the room with my eyes to search for any sign of familiarity. There was none.

I was in a very white room. It felt sterile and made me begin to feel nauseous. I took a good look at the girl who had given me the drink. She sat beside the bed in a white wooden chair. She wore a white knee length dress and had platinum blonde hair that reached just inches past her shoulders. She certainly blended in with the setting of the room.

"What happened to me?" I asked, surprised when my voice sounded more raspy than normal.

"You were attacked by Heartless outside of the castle. You must have been wandering around the woods. Axel and Demyx found you outside, lying on the ground and convinced Xemnas that you should stay." She paused for a moment to let me allow my thoughts to sink in. "Can you walk? This is my room, but I can show you to your more permanent room if you'd like."

I was unsure, but I nodded anyway. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and stood on shaky legs. Slowly I followed the blonde girl out of the room and down the hallway. We passed several doors, each with a roman numeral posted on the outside. I made a mental note to ask about that later.

We finally stopped outside of an unmarked door, across from one labeled 'XIII'. I tentatively put my hand on the door to open it, when the blonde girl put her hand on my shoulder. "I'm Naminé by the way. Let me know if you need anything." She then turned and walked off back towards that blindingly white room before I could introduce myself. Hesitantly I opened the door and stepped inside, shutting the door behind me.

This was nothing like the white room down the hall. The floor was covered in a black carpet and the walls in wood paneling. There was a bed I estimated to be about queen size with black sheets and comforters and silver posts that rose up to meet an emerald green canopy. To one side of the bed was a small night stand, completely void of any objects. To the other side there was a small desk-like object with a mirror. It almost appeared to be a sport of make-up table.

The room was beautiful, picturesque, and maybe even perfect. Well, it was perfect for me anyways. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Startled, I whirled around only to tentatively open it. There at the door was a young boy about 16 or so, my age. He was a little bit taller than me with unruly blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. He wore a long black jacket that seemed to be made out of leather.

"The boss would like to see you in about an hour." He looked at me for a moment, his eyes traveling from my face, down to my feet, and back up again. "You might want to use that time to get ready. You can use any clothes and whatever else you find in your room." He paused awkwardly, almost as if he were going to add something, but instead abruptly turned around and retreated into the room across the hall.

I shut the door and made my way over to the opposite corner where there was a door that presumably led to a closet. I cautiously opened it and was startled when a light turned on, illuminating the clothing that filled the space. It was practically overfilled with pants, skirts, dresses, and tops of varying sizes, colours, and styles. There was even a small rack on the floor that was filled to the brim with different types and sizes of shoes.

I was in awe at the choices that had suddenly appeared before me. After browsing for a while and trying on various clothes to see if they would fit me; I finally settled on a pair of black pants and a pink top, which I then paired with a simple pair of black shoes.

I stepped in front of the mirror and decided that I was pleased with my appearance. I decided against makeup or doing any touchups to my hair. Honestly, who did I need to impress? I just wanted to get back to the world I knew, even if I wasn't entirely sure of where or what that even was.

I heard a soft knock on my door and when I moved to open it, I was surprised to see the blonde girl from earlier: Naminé. "Follow me" was all that she said, and not knowing what else to do, I complied.

I soon found myself descending what appeared to be the main staircase of the castle, and soon thereafter we entered into a room where several people, most appearing to be men, sat around wearing black robes. One man, who I assumed to be their leader, stood and walked towards me. He stared at me in a few moments of uncomfortable silence before finally speaking.

He briefly introduced himself and the twelve others in the room, skipping over Naminé as apparently he knew that we had already met. I opened my mouth to introduce myself back to him and the others, but he stopped me. "Don't think that introductions make you welcome here. You have a heart and we don't. You don't fit in here and you never will, so don't even try. Just accept it, regain your memory of where you are from, and just get out of our castle."

He then turned and stormed out of the room, several of the others following and grumbling about the pointless meeting they had just endured. A girl with blonde hair, almost yellow actually, sneered at me on her way out. Larxene. That's what I seemed to remember her name being.

The room had emptied quickly and soon only 5 of us remained. The two that had been introduced as Axel and Demyx began to leave, and I suddenly remembered what Naminé had said about them being my rescuers.

"Thank you," I managed to say, "for, you know, saving me earlier."

They each gave me a curt nod and Demyx ended up making some sort of excuse to leave. Axel stood there for a moment as if deciding whether or not he was going to say anything before following Demyx. "Be careful you don't outstay your welcome." Then he turned and left without another word. Naminé gave me an apologetic glance before walking out with Axel.

I felt exasperated as I turned to see if I was now alone in the room. I wasn't. The confusion and frustration I felt must have shown on my face because I didn't even have to speak for Roxas to say, "I can explain all of this. Come on up to my room. They won't hear us and judge you there."

There obviously wasn't anything else for me to do in this unfamiliar place, especially since nearly all of its inhabitants hated me, so I followed him back to that hallway that was beginning to become quite familiar.

It was that night that Roxas began to explain the organization to me. Organization XIII. He talked about the different personalities of each of the members and various things they had done, both to each other and to the outside world. He spoke about the nobodies in general, explaining why exactly they were different, and even about their others. It just seemed like he was trying very hard to get me to understand him and what was going on in his life.

This continued on for several weeks, and soon I began to lose any concept of time. Talking to Roxas was the only thing I ever looked forward to, as none of the other organization members even acknowledged my presence in the Castle, well, other than a death glare that is.

This all led up to one night where Roxas and I hadn't met and talked for some strange reason. Instead I sat outside the castle on a tree stump, looking up at the stars. Honestly, my memory had already started coming back to me. I knew that I had gone to Twilight Town on a train, but I wasn't exactly sure where I had come from before that. I had been visiting my aunt and wanted to escape from my younger cousins one night, so I had gone off wandering. From there I had encountered the woods, and then all I could rely on was what Naminé had first told me when I woke up in the castle.

Even though I could remember part of my past, I still didn't want to leave the castle. It didn't matter to me how everyone was treating me. The only thing that mattered to me was my time with Roxas and how much I enjoyed talking with him and learning all about him and this little world of his.

I resented this crush that was developing, especially since it was pretty much not ever going to happen. I shivered in the cool night air and jumped in surprise when I felt a piece of cloth be placed on my shoulders, warming my arms significantly. I glanced down at the black fabric now draped across me. An organization coat.

I turned my head and found myself face to face with Roxas. I felt my face flush and grow hot from embarrassment. "It's a little chilly to be sitting out here by yourself, isn't it?" I merely shrugged in response. "Well, mind if I join you?"

I shook my head no and moved over on the stump, making room for him to sit down. I suddenly felt his body warmth against me and glanced up at the stars, trying to avoid looking at him at all costs.

"So, do you remember anything yet?"

I wanted to say no. I wanted to keep those memories to myself, or better yet push them out of my head so I could stay in the castle forever. "Well, a little bit. Not too much to go on though." Okay, who was I kidding? I felt guilty lying to him. I couldn't lie to him.

"Anyone important to go back to? Anything making you want to rush to remember more so you can pack up and leave?"

"Not really. I have an aunt and some cousins, but there's no desire to see them. None." I gathered up enough courage to finally look at him. "What about you? What's keeping you here?"

"This is really everything I have, don't you think? There's a castle full of people just like me. People who shouldn't exist. Why should I want to go out into a world full of somebodies? I did have friends out there once, but I'm better off here."

"But there could be something really great out there. You never know what you might be missing." I took a deep breath and risked saying something that could possibly ruin the trust that had been built up in the past few weeks. After all, I didn't want to seem accusing. "What about love?"

It was almost a whisper, barely audible, but I knew he heard it. He had to have heard it. He paused for a moment and I began to wonder if maybe I really had spoken too softly, but then he responded. "I have Naminé I suppose. See? I have everything I need right here."

I felt my heart drop, and I tried not to get angry. "You…and Naminé?" It honestly felt like something fell apart and I wasn't quite sure what. "You can't! You're both nobodies. You don't even have hearts! It's not possible for you to love each other. It's not! You only say that because it's expected. You think you love each other because your others do. You have separate lives from your others now; you don't need to follow their loves and their hates. Live your own life…as much of is as you can as a nobody"

I immediately felt regret from my words, but there was nothing that I could do to take them back now. I lowered my head in shame, and was surprised to feel Roxas' hand beneath my chin, lifting my head up so that I could look in to his eyes. "You're right to some extent you know. Everybody does expect Naminé and I to be together because of our others. Honestly though, I've never really thought much about it. But you're right about us not having feelings."

He kind of seemed sad, and it hurt my heart to see him like that. "Well, maybe you could learn how to feel. Do you think?"

He shrugged. "Can you feel without a heart? I'm not sure I'll ever feel anything, and I'm not really even sure how to try."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that, but against my better judgment, I decided to just go with my instincts. I closed the already small gap between us and pressed my lips to his, pulling him into the kiss I had been wanting for a while now. To my surprise, he didn't resist, and I was the first to pull back. I searched his eyes, trying to find any trace of what he was thinking, but there was none. Or at least he had it masked very well.

"So? Was there anything? Anything at all?" He was silent. "Please tell me you felt something," I pleaded.

He looked almost sad for a moment and shook his head. He hadn't felt anything. Nobodies really couldn't have emotions, no matter how hard they tried.

I felt a wrenching notion in my gut and tears began to well up behind my eyes. I forced myself off of the tree stump and began to run blindly towards the castle gate, towards the woods where I had originally wandered in from. When I was just a few steps away from the gate, Roxas grabbed me by the arm and pulled me in close to his body. Honestly, I felt like I might melt into the ground at that very instant, but I couldn't. I had to get out of there as fast as possible.

"I can learn to feel, I promise." He whispered into my ear, making me shiver involuntarily. "You're important to me. Really, you are." He paused for a moment, "I want you to be happy."

"Don't speak of things you don't understand," I hissed, "just leave me alone." I wrenched my arm free from his grasp and made my way through the gate.

"Wait! Please don't go!" He pleaded. I heard the pain in his voice, and it made me hesitate for a moment, but then I realized that it clearly had to have been fabricated. Nobodies don't have hearts. I had already made it clear to myself that they couldn't feel anything no matter how hard they tried.

I didn't let myself turn around. If I turned and saw his face, I wouldn't be able to convince myself to keep going. I would fall into his trap and then just be more disappointed later when nothing came of it. I would just be more hurt and more confused and it would make it harder to leave the next time.

It wasn't until I got most of the way through the forest that I turned and looked back in the direction of the castle. My heart dropped a little bit. He wasn't following me. I went to wipe away the tears that had begun to freely fall from my eyes. It wasn't until then that I realized that I was still wearing his coat.

I pulled it close to my body, trying to retain any warmth it had been giving me. It crossed my mind to take it off and leave it there, trying to erase any memories of Roxas. Last minute I decided that I wouldn't, even though I wasn't really sure why not.

"I guess this all really was too much to hope for." He clearly wasn't coming after me anymore. If I did ever have a chance, it was gone now. I certainly wasn't going to go back now. There was no possible way.

I walked off towards Twilight Town, even though I wasn't really sure where I was going to go or what I was going to do. All that I was really certain of was that our meeting had just been chance. It was an accident. It was an accidents that shouldn't be.

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**AN:** Okay, wow. I've been writing this for about a week now, in classes and such usually, and just finished it now at work. I'm aware I didn't name the girl character, but I didn't really feel the need to, and I never even wanted to use her name until the very end. So, I decided it would be better if she were just nameless.

Reviews are certainly welcome. You can leave critique, praise, whatever you want. Just let me know how you liked it, okay?


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